So in the markets here, generally walking away during bargaining is the sign that sellers should beat the "lowest price" they've already given you, call you back and put their cards on the table, offering you the actual lowest price. Granted, sometimes they're still asking too much and you've got to try again, but generally, this edges the conversation in the direction of "give me a realistic price or I'm leaving."
Sometimes, though, you refuse to pay what they're asking, they refuse your lower offer, and you walk away - and they let you. While occasionally this may mean that they just don't like you, it's more likely that it means you've actually tried to bargain down too far to an unrealistic price. The trouble is, sometimes it's hard to know what that price is until you insist on it and they don't call you back to concede. I guess at this point you have the option to swallow your pride and come back later or decide the price is too high and you don't want that sour-grape-colored sweater anyway.
As a metaphor, though - which this, like everything, clearly is - the last option doesn't always apply. Once you've bargained your way into an unrealistic ask and they've let you walk away and not followed, you can't always go back. You probably can't expect even the same price they originally agreed to, and they might not even agree to sell to you anymore. In the relationship marketplace, people are substantially less likely to just take whatever you'll give them or pursue you when you've walked away after asking too much or offering too little. But how do you know when you're about to reach that point? What are the signs that what you want is unreasonable? How do you identify the actual break even point in a relationship negotiation without passing the crucial point where they just let you walk away? At what point should you be glad they did?
First of all, you took the blog name I wanted. Hmm. Can't tell if I should be impressed or annoyed. So I started reading your stuff - interesting, as I made it this far having started with December.
ReplyDeleteThis post struck me in many ways and in several places. Not even sure where to begin. Okay, here goes...
Why would you ever want to be anywhere near a break even point in a relationship? How is that different from asking, "how little can I give or participate in this relationship and still have it work?" That sounds dangerous at best and a mind-numbingly horrific way to approach a relationship. Don't get me wrong, I love the cleverness of the metaphor, but something in the pit of my stomach began to churn when I read that last part. When I say churn I really mean like top-load washing machine at the highest point of agitation.
I hope you are not at that same point or same "cycle" in your life - perhaps maybe just reflecting on this theoretically? Anyway, thought you should know what a visceral reaction this caused. Maybe that was your point, too. For whatever it's worth – you write like a woman, but think like a man.