Gimme Gimme

I suppose it is a sign of my degree of China-fication* that I have ceased to use the word "please." I definitely stopped trying to use it in Mandarin (qing wen - please ask - is either difficult to say, difficult to understand, or simply so off-putting because no one uses it that it seems to have an opposite-to-the-desired effect when I try), and I'm pretty sure I don't even say it in English anymore. To my inner Southerner (I now feel the need to clarify "Southern U.S." though there's no simple term for that, so Southerner will have to do in the context of, er, text), this is appalling, but to the new, Chinafied me, it is simply a sign of my multicultural maturity. Manners have always been an important part of my upbringing, and "yes sirs" and "no ma'ams" decorated my every interaction with an elder well into my 20s. In fact, I'd even often extend this respect to my young students (modeled, I think, after a karate instructor who did the same), in whom I try to instill what I think of as "proper" social skills. But in China, perhaps I do them a disservice. I have recently learned that saying "please" and "thank you" actually implies a certain lack of closeness between the parties involved; why on earth, they think, would I thank my mother, brother, father, auntie, someone whose very purpose it is to care for me? What kind of statement do I make by implying that they must be thanked for such a thing? The very idea is apparently insulting on a level I only partially comprehend. The language echoes this, in fact; not only does the word please taste rather awkward on the tongue, but the words and phrases asking for things are so simplistic and demanding they hardly leave room for consideration of politeness. "Wo yao" and "Gei wo" are, directly translated, "I want" and "Give me." In American society - again, let me clarify U.S. as this does not necessarily include all American cultures - "Give me" or more popularly with the kiddies "gimme" is distinctly rude and a bit greedy-sounding. In China, not so. It's just efficient, and with little consideration for the feelings of the person doing the giving. In a country so concerned with saving face, this has posed some confusion for me, until my recent revelation that I, as an American, have a completely different interpretation of "face." I'm sure there's also a really nice little metaphor comparing the physical faces of Americans and Chinese folks, but that, I feel, is for another post. Xie xie. That's all. *I increasingly use this word now. Also, potentially a sign of my China-fication is my failure to post on this blog for over a year now. Perhaps independent thought had ceased for some period of time. Or maybe, I'm just lazy.